Cata-pants (5-8)

Harry Winterbottom is a very little boy who has a very enormous pair of spotty underpants.

He’s got lots of other pants too, but the spotty ones are definitely his favourite.

They are also far more enormous than any of his other pairs because he wears them quite so often and pulls them up really high, so that people can see the spots.  So, now they are all stretched and it’s getting to the point where Harry can’t wear them anymore.

Harry is a little sad about this.  He wonders if there is something else he could use his pants for.

Could they make a snazzy hat?

No.  Too floppy.

Could they be used as a shopping bag?

No.  The apples would roll out of the leg holes.

Could they make a cosy den to play in?

No.  They would let in too much light.

Alas, Harry can’t think of a single new use for his oh-so-enormous pants. 

But he still doesn’t want to part with his favourite old under crackers.  And so, the very day that his mother decided it was time to put them in the bin, she found she had a bitter tug-of-war on her hands. 

Harry gripped the waistband of his dear old briefs whilst his mother clung to a leg hole.  

And both HEAVED.

And HEEEEEAVED.

But, Harry’s mother was too strong and when Harry’s foot slipped on the kitchen tiles he was flung over his mother’s head, out of the window and ‘PLOP’ on to Mr Kibble’s rose bushes, three gardens down!

“Yikes!”  Harry’s mother yelled. “My darling little Harry!  I’ve thrown him clean out of the  window!”

But  ...

“Eureka!”  Harry screeched 

“We’ve just invented the Cata-Pant!   We’ll  be able to catapult anything, anywhere!

We can launch ships in to the ocean

 








We can put rockets on the moon

We can fling the fairy on the top of the Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square!

And we’ll never have to throw-out a pair of pants again.  Think of  all the recycling!”  

Nowadays, Harry is a very, VERY rich little boy indeed.  

He’s been named ‘Young Entre’Pant’neur of the Year’ and has been on the front cover of Inventor Magazine three times already!

And all because he refused to give up on his favourite pair of spotty underpants!

There's a shark in Old Barton swimming pool

No one believes that there's a shark in Old Barton swimming pool.  It's odd really, considering the tally of missing children has been growing consistently since it's opening in 1974.

I mean, the absence of those children themselves hasn't gone unnoticed, but no one has stopped to link it to the swimming pool itself...or should I say it's contents.  It's a sad and woeful truth, but that shark in the big pool at the town's leisure establishment is to blame for many a tiddler's vicious demise.

There's a particular type that the shark goes for and it's certainly never the skinny ones.  Those ones aren’t meaty enough for the greedy, giant fish and their bones get stuck in his grimy teeth.

He doesn’t like the chatty ones; the ones too busy talking to concentrate on their swimming.  He finds those ones quite wriggly to eat and, once consumed, they give him terrible wind (all that hot air I suppose).

It's hardly ever the weak swimmers either, for the gnarly old shark won't risk exposing itself in the shallow end, where the learners bob and float atop their various inflatable devices.

That leaves us with the ones he DOES like to eat.  And it’s the dive-bombers!  The ones that take a run-up and hurl themselves in to the water with an almighty yell, splashing water in to the faces of everyone around them.  You know the ones?  You see, the moment everyone turns their heads and covers their eyes, he takes his opportunity.  It means that no one sees him snatch the tucked-up little body as it plunges right in to the depths of his territory. 

Now, you may be reading this with a certain level of scorn; a disbeliever who snorts at the very idea of a shark dwelling in a small town swimming pool. But, ask yourself this....the next time you find yourself in the darkened navy waters of the deep end can you, honestly and truthfully, say that there's no shark hovering silently behind the rusty old grate in the corner?  

What else is that grate there for?

Hmmmm?

Sitting on the edge of the bed

You know when you sit on the edge of your bed and let your legs dangle down over the side?


Yeah, it's best not to do that because the monsters under the bed WILL grab them.


It's only a matter of when.


I promise you....leave them there long enough and .....




WHOOMF!





Try it if you don't believe me.

.

Rainbow Sam

Rainbow Sam is the guy that paints all those rainbows in the sky.

Well, with a name like that, he was never going to be an estate agent, was he.